Life has been very busy for me these past few months. Hence, my blog hiatus. But that's okay. I have so many realizations and I want to share them with you. You know, these past few months I have been very stressed out with various triggers. Of course, the number one is the pandemic as this really the cherry on top of these 'crazy' situation that we are all going through.

I know I have been on hiatus for a very long time, I know... and here's the reason why...

Lost motivation

This would be the first thing on my list why I was gone. Don't get me wrong, I was in a very good state of my blogging/vlogging career, brands and PRs are coming in and I have several commitments I need to fulfill. It was fun at first but then I came to a point wherein I got overwhelmed, exhausted and then lost focus.

I feel like since I am committed to them, I won't have the freedom to say whatever I want or work to whomever. I realized I can work better if I'm independent. I can give myself the freedom to work on my own pace, work with brands that I truly believe and stop whenever I needed.

Preoccupied work, studies, life balance problem

If you have been with me for a very long time, I know that you are aware of how much I put effort into everything I do. Now that I'm finally a graduating student and there are so many things on my plate, I need to sacrifice things to put more effort into the things that are more important. Don't get me wrong, blogging is very important to me. However, I need to put attention to balance my work (that one who gives me stable income), studies (I'm going to graduate next year), life (I cannot take aback to my responsibilities).

I just need to make a 180-degree term in my life and perspective.

I had to accept that I cannot handle many things all in one time.

With that, I need to let go of some things to allocate my energy to the ones who are more important today which is my studies, life, and my regular job. (Also, I have to be honest that during this process, I was able to build a business with my bestfriend which was pretty awesome)

Newly found love

Jerico, my one-year partner has been in most of my social media posts and I have a series of blogs with him in it. Tell you a little bit about him, he is a chef and he's working in a well-known restaurant in the Philippines. He was also a blogger and he was my follower way back my Tumblr days.

Meeting him was fate and with him in the picture now made me a new idea to rebrand my whole persona in my blog- Not your ordinary girl by Mhow so that is something that you need to look forward.

He's a very supportive guy and I couldn't thank him enough for all the love and support he has been giving me and Edmund; something that I didn't expect. Ever.

So what's next?

I want to end my year with something awesome! So hopefully, I can get my sht together and compose more blogs. What's different now is that my blogs have better substance compared to what I normally post. Expect that this will still have beauty blogs, reviews, features, and more travel blogs because Jerico and I loves to do a staycation, I will also do more blogs related to self-empowerment which is one of the things I am aiming to do but not implemented until now.

I'm excited about the future. ♥

"Hi,(insert month)!"

Hi guys, this blog post might be a little more personal as I will be sharing with you some 'hints' of what is happening with my life. I remember when I was still a teenager and blogging using Tumblr, I used to have an open book with my readers, I remember that whenever my ex-boyfriend and I used to fight, it was posted, everything I do was posted, everything I feel was posted but things changed as I had a son and I want to live a more 'private' life because it's for his own good.

But this time, I'll be sharing with you my not-so-detailed-personal-experience so that you may be wise in choosing your own paths and not make the same mistakes that I did and to hopefully inspire you to conquer the challenges that you are facing right now.


My depression started the 3rd year Edmund's father and I have been dating. I really wanted to break up with him because I'm not really happy with my life and that I am really suffocated by being with him and I feel that I'm not growing in that relationship. So what I did is I tried to break up with him but he refuses not to. Until I moved out of my house and tried to have a job and earn a living- that time, I'm still struggling in making our relationship work, but I just feel like I'm just the only one whose working things out. He became complacent to the fact that I'll always be there for him no matter what. So what I did was I broke up with him, again. And enjoyed my freedom, I went out with my friends and high school friends, drinking with my officemates until I get sober- but my freedom wasn't that long when my partner begged for another chance and even if I went out with different guys already, he still wants to be with me. So I made the most stupid decision to make up with him.

And then, I got pregnant.

I honestly expected that he'll opt for abortion. But I was really happy when he said that we'll continue the baby, he'll work- he had a concrete plan. But none of them includes telling to our parents that we're having a baby. I don't know why I just leave the decision-making to him because he's the head of our soon-to-be family.

Living with him was hard. For 10 months of living with him, he didn't bother looking for a job. He spends his time playing DOTA 2. I was really stupid to stay with him, I know but who wants to give her child a broken family right? That's the reason I stayed even though the love was slowly fading away.

There were other bad experiences that I'd rather not to say because it's too painful to write and too embarrassing to share.

But the main thing is, I lost my self-esteem, my confidence and I find myself unlovable, ugly and disgusting at that specific moment.

When we broke up, I remember having scenarios of killing myself but chose not to, because whenever I looked at Edmund, I couldn't help but cry.

But there was one thing that became my emotional breakdown. I was by far the worse that I've gotten. I remember dreaming about I was hanging in an empty room with a black cloth on my head. I also can hear things ordering me to kill myself and my son.

I decided to see a psychiatrist when I tried to kill myself by overdosing some antihistamine pills. I consumed almost 30 tablets of antihistamine because I want to sleep, I haven't slept for 3 consecutive days that time. I was really desperate to end my suffering and sadness to the point that I don't care anymore to my son and to my family and people that I might leave behind.

But I didn't die. I remember one thing that my psychiatrist said, you cannot dwell on the past and that your life should continue because that's how things are supposed to be. Life must go on.

I've been seeing him for 2 months and I must say that I am really getting better. He prescribed anti depressants and sleeping pills. He also advised me to make myself busy and go to the gym to keep my mind pre-occupied.

Though things are going well. There are days that I still feel sad and worthless, and there were moments that I cry- it's normal. I'm human after all.

I know that I can surpass whatever problems that I am facing. I will update you guys with my depression and anxiety journey.

Last Sunday, April 24th was the feast of the Divine Mercy and we, Filipinos celebrate the feast day of out patron saint of our parishes every year.

We arrived early so we took a really good spot- yes right infront of the electric fan because it's so hot af. As usual, my son slept the entire mass and he usually wakes up at the near end of the mass and he usually claps with the people at the end of the mass (really cute, i know)


Since we arrived early, my mom decided to have a shot with her grandchild after

So the fun part is usually after mass, church people provide a simple meal for people who attended the mass. Today, they made lugaw (porridge) which really good It has chicken and ginger. Edmund enjoyed eating, I know he did, he consumed almost quarter of the porridge.I am really happy that his appettite came back, he became picky these past few weeks.


Mom usually talk to her church friends- as usual and they usually congratulate my mom for being a grandmother.

The fiesta was really fun, there are children who danced under the blazing heat and after the short program, there were band who played different songs that is ofcourse, in the era.



We were having much fun but we have to go home, it was getting hotter that time and I couldn't manage to stay further plus I need a drink (they didn't provide drinks, so sad)


How about you? How did your Sunday went? Let me know.

This is the second time that I'll be posting a blog regarding bad customer service of Cebuana Lhuiller. The first one happened last 2015 when a guard from their company took my number by surprise. You may check out my blog post here.

So this incident happened earlier. I was with Ate Doll (our helper) and we were the first ones in Cebuana (Zabarte Almar Branch, the one's outside North Olympus) so we were asked by the guard if it's our first time to have transaction with Cebuana and we told him no, he handed us fill up forms with the numbers '43' and '44' so I was holding the number 43 and Ate Doll was holding the number 44. So Ate Doll was the first to finish filling up the form because I had a hard time remembering how much do I need to send. So in other words, her paper was the first on the line.


We were waiting patiently there when the teller called my name and assisted me. There were only one teller on the branch at that time. So after I was called, we were expecting that Ate Doll will be next (based ont the number on the filled up form) but to our surprise, an old lady waas served first but we perfectly understood it because she's a senior citizen but they let another lady pass and obviously she was not a senior so the lady that came in third stood up and asked what happened and Ate Doll came in the cashier and asked why was she not called yet.

So after the lady was assisted, Ate Doll was assisted but thing that made me pissed is this cashier told my Ate Doll "Dalawa lang namang yung nauna sayo" (There were only two (2) assisted ahead of you) and I was like, WHAT'S THE POINT OF HAVING A NUMBER IN THE FILLED UP FORM WHEN YOU DON'T USE IT ANYWAYS? I believe the main purpose of that number is to be organized but I believe that it's not organized at all.

Not to mention that in that specific branch, the service is too slow. I remember one time I took the payments of the shipping in my last ggiveaway, I remember I waited for almost half an hour for a 70 pesos. I was really angry because there were three (3) people in the counter but I believe two (2) are only working.

I honestly didn't want to use Cebuana as my money remmitance because of their bad service in the area. I've been using Cebuana as mode of payment when I have an online shop in Cainta but I never had bad experienc. I also tried the branch near in SM Masinag, in Almar but their service was fast. So I am just wondering why Cebuana near our subdivision is too slow?

I just couldn't believe that Cebuana Lhuillier are accepting bad customer service. I hope that they would do something about this.

If you haven't noticed, I was out in the loop for a week and now's the time that I will be answering the question "WHY?!"

I know, I know! I do not need to explain why I was MIA but I think it's my responsibility for my readers to know why I was missing in action. Although I've already announced it on my social media accounts that I'll be gone for the week, it's still really nice to know what I did for the entire week (for my nosy people out there!)

Dreams is a means by which the brain processes emotions, stimuli, memories and information that's been absorbed throughout the waking day.

These past week, I've been dreaming about different scenarios and people. Most of them involves my ex boyfriend (the baby daddy). I also remember one time I dreamt that I'm pregnant again.

When I dreamed about my ex. I forgot what actually happened but I remember that he was in my dream and I am forcing myself to wake up. I immediately searched the meaning why he was appearing in my dreams. I always search for the meaning everytime I had dreams.

It doesn't necessarily mean that when you dreamed about your past is because you still love them. There might be feelings or problems towards the person that you still haven't resolved yet. That's why he/she is appearing in your dreams.

Maybe it was right.

I still have feelings for my ex to be honest, I won't be a hipocrite and we still have unfinished business-- our son. We still haven't talked about how we will be parents to Edmund. He didn't even disclosed any information bmif he'll support Edmund in any way (physically and financially) whenever I ask him he always tell me that I didn't need financial support. He's actually true, I have a job and my parents are here to support whenever. But that's not the point. I am expecting him to atleast see his son once a month or atleast check him up from time to time, but it's been 2 months without any means of communication.

But I'm fine. I know I can do this. Alone. It's better to raise my son alone than raising him in an environment where in my son seems to beg for love and affection for my ex's family. The love that he deserves. I don't want him to experience what I've experienced with his father and his family-- it was unbearable. People like them doesn't deserve to be called humans or animals. They were worse than that. They were even worse than demons. I'm not saying because I'm bitter. It's because it's the only way that I can describe my experience with them.

What do you call to a mother who said to his own grandson that my child was never their responsibility and they didn't liked my child.

Yes. My Ex's mother told that to me face to face.

Let me tell you guys that my son was UNPLANNED. Yes! He was never planned. But I liked and loved this baby, more than anything. My family loves and prioritize my baby more than anything.

I never imagined someone would say that, not even my son's own grandmother.

So what do you call to a person with that attitude? Exactly my point.

So that's why I despise them and I can't wait karma to hit them.

Also, I also remembered having a dream that I was pregnant.

I was really laughing when I woke up. I didn't have someone to make a baby with. I'm single af. But still, I searched for the meaning.

Dreaming about being pregnant means that there will be new aspects, directions and a new chapter in your life. It often times says that you somehow needed to be taken care of or you're yearning for nurture.

This is by far my best dream.

Being left out was really hell and I really am still coping up with a broke up that has not proper closure. But when I read the meaning, somehow I felt a comfort that I will be facing new chapters in my life. I am so excited for the future.

I realized then that people shouldn't be sorry for me or for anyone left out with a kid, because we are stronger than anyone. Raising a child is hard but raising it alone is even harder. But it's more fun because you don't have someone to share the decisions for your child. The whole responsibility and the love ofyiur child will be yours.

I am not so left out alone.

I know that I have someone who will surely take care for me when I got older. And that is my child. These past few weeks I feel so sorry for myself and pity myself for what had happened but when I realized that I have someone who will be with me when I grow old, now, I feel so sorry for my ex. With his attitude, who will take care and love him? I hope he'll find someone who will take care of him more than what I did.

I know that I will be stronger. I will be stronger because conquered this tragedy. I know that when the time comes, Edmund will surely understand me and what happened between me and his dad- why we didn't work out.

By that time. I do hope that I already met my emotional freedom. I hope that by that time. I can be able to face his dad with no anger and by that time. I do hope that I can no longer feel any disgust towards his mother and his family.

But now's not the time. Now's not the time to forgive and I know that I will never forget. The anger was too much that I even want to cast a black magic towards them. But no, I still have my God in me and I know that Karma will soon hit them. Hard.

I will be telling you what exactly happened. Soon.

Stalking will always and forever will be a part of moving on- well, for me. When we broke up last February 6, I must admit I stalk his profile every single day for the first week just to see if he's getting better or maybe I'm just finding excuse to see his profile but one thing's certain- it is a part of how I move on.

I am so broken this past week, lucky enough my family spent their weekend at our house because my Ninong arrived from Canada. We were so excited because the last time we saw him is when my Grand mother is still alive.

Saturday afternoon when my cousin Kuya Kenn and his son Lawson arrived here in our house. It was also Lawson's first time to meet my son, Edmund.

After a few hours, Kuya Kenn's twin, Kuya Khris arrived.



As soon as we got home, we immediately prepared our little one's bath and afterwards, we let the babies slept the entire afternoon then we slept. I took a bath before anyone else and prepared for ninong's arrival.

They arrived at our house by noon and they ate lunch and we went to SM in the evening to have our family dinner. We ate at Kuya J's

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That was really unprofessional in my point of view because I know that their job description is to be approachable, friendly and hospitable (in a way) but not to the point that they will get their customer's number and text it just because you want to be "F R I E N D S" I think that's not really necessary. I didn't even had the chance to get the name of the guard because I don't really have any personal interest for him.

I will never go back to that creepy branch ever again, I don't care if I will waste 8 pesos for the jeepney fare to go to Cebuana Ever Gotesco, I don't care, it was just so creepy and so unprofessional.

I do hope that this incident will never happen again.